Sorry Venus

Beautiful. I’m not sure I could have said it any better. ❤

Obi's Words


When I was a kid, I never saw my parents “Play love” in my presence. I know you’d say “Maybe they did”, Oh! Yes! But not in my presence, so I don’t have any memory of them acting Indian film until my mum’s death.

Due to this mysterious unoccupied memory, I searched for love and I discovered Cupid. Let me tell you who Cupid is. 

Cupid is the god of love, son of Venus. Usually depicted as a naked, winged boy with a bow and arrow. Cupid never got love from his mother Venus because she was busy attending to the needs of her worshippers, blah blah blah. So instead of sitting around sulking, Cupid goes around, assuming for people that they are inlove and playing pranks with their hearts. 

This same Cupid showed me love in novels, comics, movies, cartoons or where ever I could get it from…

View original post 1,023 more words

Advertisements

struggling

You WILL get back. And sooner than you think too.
One day I hope you get to look those friggin’ demons in the face and instruct them to get the heck away from you – forever! I hope just wake up one morning and realized you’ve had a peaceful ‘nightmare-free’ sleep for over a month. I hope you get to share you’re horrifying and heartbreaking ordeal, without being horrified or broken.

I hope you find healing. One that’s lasting and complete.
I hope you find it soon.

Praying for you. ❤

survivor road

i apologize for my absence. i’d blame it on the July 4th weekend, but truth of the matter is i’m struggling a lot right now with demons from my past. Nightmares of abuse and flashbacks that honestly sometimes i don’t know how to deal with. i’ve tried to journal some of this, make it into my prose stuff – – but it doesn’t fit right now. Not to mention if i’m not careful i end up triggering myself all over again.

i shall, however, get back here. someday. i hope.
no promises…

View original post

I Survived You

khik surviver

You’re the reason I have life

But you would have been the death of me.

I wish I’d known better than to hope you’d stutter

When you aimed them poison tipped words at my heart,

– One after another.

Eventually I became the un-recyclable due to consistent misuse,

And very much aware that by this fact you were almost amused.

But shortly after truth moved in to my mind i realized

That I’m the one who let you make me a believer in lies.

I considered blaming Daddy

when i paused from blaming you.

-After all he’s the one who didn’t want me-

But then neither did you.

That’s how rejection became my teddy

We’d cuddle each night as i fell asleep.

I’d shut my eyes hoping to shut out

Yells about who you were never meant to keep.

But alas, my eye shutting didn’t leave me deaf and.

With time all the pains worsened

And the so familiar vacuum increased

– And I tried desperately to find treatment –

Because all this feeling was my disease.

So I tried to cut me out and leave behind a shell

Because that won’t ever be affected by the hurt he had to share.

But my blade must’ve been blunt and thus it left life in me.

It’s as though even inanimate objects were out to make me unhappy!

The word happiness itself was a stranger but I craved its acquaintance

Which is why every note writ ended up in the bin

With that repeated pain-infused, self-death sentence.

I needed a distraction but my pain had my full attention

And it wasn’t till after mistaking my body for dents in a vehicle,

That he realized I wasn’t worth his exercise and perspiration-

Thus he walked out.

I let it matter till it became my atmosphere.

Convinced that for blood to reject me, I’d be unwanted everywhere

You never seemed interested enough to say something

So I gave up on you both thanks to your indifference and his abusing

Thinking if my partial creators found me so wanting,

Then I must be in need of some major correcting.

But all the grafting and patching I did further ripped me

Till I avoided everything I could be reflected in.

A death diet was the next place I sought relief

Perhaps a variety of tastes would alleviate the grief?

However gorging myself didn’t quite numb me —

I needed to find more effective pain feed.

The pills first seemed to be helping

When Insomnia somehow became normalcy;

Because the nightmares wouldn’t let me dream of better days

And all my days I lived in depression’s dark hallway.

However soon I couldn’t cope if I’d not ‘popped’ some

-all I ever really wanted was lasting oblivion.

Consciousness had never seemed to add value, and so

If my body had to stay – maybe my mind could go?

But nothing worked, I was miserable, and you cared not.

Till the flower of hope in my mind began to rot.

Whatever made me think you would ever choose to change?

Either way, whatever it was and I got disengaged.

With time I walked away, determined to never look back

and on the way, someone trained me to get my life on track

Now I’m all grown up but found a new beginning

Daily learning to leave the past that wouldn’t let joy in.

The cavity in my heart’s gotten a permanent filling

So I’m done existing…yeah mom, I’m living.

___________________________________________

Dedicated to everyone who’s been through (going through) some deep stuff.

Thank God you survived//have held on this long.

Just remember…Jesus will ALWAYS be the answer. 🙂 ❤

What Do You Want From Me?

wdywfm

A kiss or two maybe?

Because things have been too mainstream lately

so you seek for a twist to your skirt-hopping assignments

and deem me worthy of some emotional torment.

I would say thanks for the ironic compliment of your trying to turn me into your wanton pet

But what’s this!? I seem to choke on regret –

As it baffles me that despite my parent’s paying millions in tuition fees

I have exhibited the most atrocious form of motive illiteracy

Ah, silly me.

It’s not kisses that you want then?

It’s a lavish home, the best cars…and a couple children?

Am i now to believe you’re through with your phase of grotesque irresponsibility?

Though you’ve gambled your whole life thus far, the habit’ll suddenly cease once we marry?

Tell me exactly how you value money.

Do you get that its purpose is to serve you in your service to divinity?

Or is your lust for it why you wake up each morning?

That you believe it worth your faith, health, love and family worries me greatly;

Plus the possibility that you mistake this tool as a thing capable of moving me

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I’ve missed it again. Really?

Then why not answer as i am known for misinterpreting!?

What on earth do you want from me?

You have already been birthed so i doubt i can be your mother.

And if i call you ‘friend’, you wail and knight me a ‘zoner’.

You’ve chosen to make Christ an option so we’ll speak of love no further –

because if you don’t learn love from Him, how on earth can you love me fella?

You’ve sworn that one shot at an ‘Us’ would change you for the better;

But if you were honest you’d know change starts with you…not those two letters.

So I can understand your plight – emotions & attraction can be annoying.

And often we might not even realize when we get into self-deceiving.

But that i love you is not in doubt (though our definition of words may differ),

So  it’s best you meet the WHO you’ll eternally need…then maybe we’ll begin there later.

🙂

w v n

The Gift To Receive

images

Our entire relationship is based on faith.

The faith you have enabled me have in you.

I could never have received Your gift otherwise.

If You didn’t teach me, i could never love you right.

 

Because by my nature past

Doubt and skepticism were more than a past time.

So I may have easily trusted gravity to keep me grounded

and that if I sat in a chair it wouldn’t crash to the floor instead.

I could have ‘faith’ in matters such as these

But not to believe you’d paid for my death deserving deeds.

 

Yet you provided me with what I needed to accept life eternal

And made a brand new person…with little change to my externals.

So i can live, laugh, and love.

Because you are life,

and in you joy abounds,

and when you call…

It’s love that sounds.

 

I will always love you

I will always be your daughter.

Thank you for this gift

Needed to receive another.

 

givv

 

January 17th, 2015

Thank You For The Now

The betrayal, the pain, the regrets, and the tears.

They were all I ever knew, and they knew me best.

I never got to understand my own actions,

I gave my all too soon and in return received piercing fractions.

Thus each blow to my heart signaled my eyes to express sorrow…

And I taught myself to dread all my tomorrows.

But you’ve managed to bring me from that point,

Though I can’t fully explain how.

So in spite of my dim yesterdays,

At least I can thank you for the now.

___—___

None of them ever cared and they didn’t pretend they wanted to.

We were alone and wounded and had never even heard of You.

My fury was worthless, fantasies of revenge the only lifeline.

I couldn’t protect anyone and growing up took way too much time.

It went on almost forever, and my hatred burned deeper for our abuser and his supporter.

Where were you then and why are you just coming around?

Couldn’t you hear as each day in hurt and pain we screamed out loud!?

I’ve been told you can fix everything

But in my case I can’t see how.

If you wouldn’t save me then…

How can I trust you to save me now?

___—___

You think you’ve seen filthy? Well let me introduce you to me.

I’d fill in more details but this life excluding the eternal keeps me too busy.

I hear you’re searching for who to save…move along

I’m not money for the bank, and I actually revel in my wrong.

I am successful, influential, and in my youth’s prime;

So the only light I want in my life is the one prefixed with lime.

I don’t think you know me, but I could care less if you did.

My life is mine to auction, and I’m ignoring your bid.

When people wonder how I manage to be so loved

I look in a mirror, point and say: “That’s How!”

So now that you know I’m the reason behind my rising above,

Do you yet insist that for absolutely nothing I thank you now?

_______________________________________________________

I had always hoped that in me you’d trust.

Letting go of your desperation and romance lust.

You chose to learn the hard way by getting bruised

That if you’d waited upon me you’d not have been so used.

But it pleases my heart that eventually you realized

That no one can truly value you until he sees with my eyes.

What you were forced to suffer was never my will

___—___

I loved you prior and I love you still.

In truth, you’d known of me but paid little attention

And thus my message of love – grace – forgiveness yet again knew rejection.

It broke my heart repeatedly, your pain.

But even moreso that it was the reason you wouldn’t let me in.

I longed to wipe those tears; heal that broken body and heart.

Evil has had its fun…won’t you let righteousness play His part?

___—___

I sense deceit has been well peddled to you

Else why should you be delighted at being played for a fool?

The issue is you’ve got it all twisted

And I’m hoping you’ll correct that before your time here is ended.

You’re convinced you don’t need me?

Your very heart beat proves you wrong.

If you believe it’s the world that loves you;

Then why am I the only one who hung?

You might have become too blinded to see

Just how much you need saving.

But if you give me the opportunity

You’ll have the best reason to thank me.

___—___

It may not always seem reasonable

Especially when life’s weight tries to make you bow.

But rather than regret the past and fear the future

You can let me love you now.

imageskh

For you.

He’s rather handsome
A couple heads taller than most.
Truly created in the image of his father God…
and very much worthy of this toast.

Indeed i did come before him
to test the waters if you may.
I was just trying to make sure everyone was ready
before this blessing in skin would come to stay.

A very sweet tongue this lad has
with an even sweeter heart within.
And with everyday I consume the gift that is breath
I thank the Lord God for him.

He is blessed amongst men
with the love of a team of 4 which’ll never dwindle.
But despite his charming smile
he can still be a handfull.

He is intelligent, and skilled and full of talent.
And i am no launderer so i wash him not.
I love him when he is nice to me
and i love him in my hurt.

October the 29th
may mean not-so-much to others;
but it means tons to me
‘cus it’s the day i got my baby brother.

I love you Chukwuka Ifediora. Happy Birthday.