The betrayal, the pain, the regrets, and the tears.
They were all I ever knew, and they knew me best.
I never got to understand my own actions,
I gave my all too soon and in return received piercing fractions.
Thus each blow to my heart signaled my eyes to express sorrow…
And I taught myself to dread all my tomorrows.
But you’ve managed to bring me from that point,
Though I can’t fully explain how.
So in spite of my dim yesterdays,
At least I can thank you for the now.
None of them ever cared and they didn’t pretend they wanted to.
We were alone and wounded and had never even heard of You.
My fury was worthless, fantasies of revenge the only lifeline.
I couldn’t protect anyone and growing up took way too much time.
It went on almost forever, and my hatred burned deeper for our abuser and his supporter.
Where were you then and why are you just coming around?
Couldn’t you hear as each day in hurt and pain we screamed out loud!?
I’ve been told you can fix everything
But in my case I can’t see how.
If you wouldn’t save me then…
How can I trust you to save me now?
You think you’ve seen filthy? Well let me introduce you to me.
I’d fill in more details but this life excluding the eternal keeps me too busy.
I hear you’re searching for who to save…move along
I’m not money for the bank, and I actually revel in my wrong.
I am successful, influential, and in my youth’s prime;
So the only light I want in my life is the one prefixed with lime.
I don’t think you know me, but I could care less if you did.
My life is mine to auction, and I’m ignoring your bid.
When people wonder how I manage to be so loved
I look in a mirror, point and say: “That’s How!”
So now that you know I’m the reason behind my rising above,
Do you yet insist that for absolutely nothing I thank you now?
I had always hoped that in me you’d trust.
Letting go of your desperation and romance lust.
You chose to learn the hard way by getting bruised
That if you’d waited upon me you’d not have been so used.
But it pleases my heart that eventually you realized
That no one can truly value you until he sees with my eyes.
What you were forced to suffer was never my will
I loved you prior and I love you still.
In truth, you’d known of me but paid little attention
And thus my message of love – grace – forgiveness yet again knew rejection.
It broke my heart repeatedly, your pain.
But even moreso that it was the reason you wouldn’t let me in.
I longed to wipe those tears; heal that broken body and heart.
Evil has had its fun…won’t you let righteousness play His part?
I sense deceit has been well peddled to you
Else why should you be delighted at being played for a fool?
The issue is you’ve got it all twisted
And I’m hoping you’ll correct that before your time here is ended.
You’re convinced you don’t need me?
Your very heart beat proves you wrong.
If you believe it’s the world that loves you;
Then why am I the only one who hung?
You might have become too blinded to see
Just how much you need saving.
But if you give me the opportunity
You’ll have the best reason to thank me.
It may not always seem reasonable
Especially when life’s weight tries to make you bow.
But rather than regret the past and fear the future
You can let me love you now.